Blame
by Lovely Narcissist James Blanke
Summary: Though many could be blamed for what Hope was becoming, Snow was most at fault. Hope x Snow after first chapter.
1. Blame

A/N: well…long story short, I haven't been feeling too good recently and, though I'd been writing a lot, none of it was fanfic. I was listening to my mp3 when the song 'Little Lion Man' came and I thought of how I was feeling, when- all of a sudden - I thought of how I could match it with Hope. So, voila, I now present you this Hope Estheim fic.

Warnings: …Angst… lots and lots…of angst…

Pairings: I didn't really write this as a pairing but, as always, feel free to interpret mild Hope/Snow.

Disclaimer: Little Lion Man belongs to Mumford and Sons. Final Fantasy belongs to Square Enix.

* * *

Hope Estheim always had many emotions fighting for dominance in his heart. One phrase or action from an outside force could tip the scales to a different feeling. Those feelings had recently become more negative. He would never be what his heart was; a raging battle, fighting for conscious attention. He would never be rash, always the careful, clever, indecisive one.

That's what everyone thought.

Hope's emotional balance on the outside was becoming just as it was on the inside. Perhaps, that's not so accurate. His outside balance was occasionally tipped, if only for a moment, by his heart.

When he was alone, he could feel his heart wrenching, tearing away at him. He would cry out, the pain in his heart too much. He would never be so courageous as his heart wanted him to be. To have courage, you had to have support. He would never be what he was meant for.

His fights with his father were dying away. He was an only child, the only chance his father ever had to raise a son he liked. Hope felt he had failed him. He couldn't be as brave as to confront him simply. 'What do I have to do to make you love me?!' Words his heart would gladly shout out, but always stopping just short of his mouth. He couldn't be so brave.

That's what he thought.

He believed bravery to be unafraid. He was so, so wrong…

* * *

His mother died and his emotions flew out of balance, out of himself. Yet, he was still too cautious; too uncourageous to speak what he actually felt.

The group split.

The group split again.

He went with Lightning.

He wanted to be strong. To be brave. To be courageous. He thought himself weak; he wanted to be better. To become another. To become sullied.

Taking all the courage he possibly could to become strong, yet finding himself creating his own problems, problems that wouldn't matter; problems to slow himself down.

The woman knew what he would become. She was dearly sorry. At least, she would be. Acknowledging this, she knew it would be her fault. Not his. She was now liable for what he would become. For corrupting him.

* * *

Hope was shaking with what he had become.

He'd seen death, several deaths during his escape from the purge; this was different. Seeing wasn't doing. Killing monsters who had tried to kill him somehow made him feel, if only for the time, slightly vindicated. He just killed a human. Several humans.

He felt the bile rising in his throat, swallowing hard as not to show weakness in front of his mentor. He knew that if he couldn't handle this, he would never be able to kill the one man he felt he needed to.

He made himself strong. They were just dead bodies, they no longer mattered to anyone; the life had left them.

He marched on, not acknowledging the fact that he was not himself. Hope wasn't hope. Hope was odium now.

The soldier stared after him, knowing what she had made him. His battles' grace now meant nothing. She just made a child a monster. Bold and uncaring. His valor stood out among all he had just destroyed. He was now like her, standing alone even while with someone.

She walked off with him.

_I won't be like my mother,_ he thought. _Though courageous, she was weak. If I continue acting like her, I'll regret it._

_Oh, dear child,_ his unheard Eidolon thought,_ I think you'll regret what you're about to do more than anything else… It will be my fault for not stopping you, for not protecting your heart… I fear there is nothing I can do…_

* * *

Snow now understood. This child had been soiled because of him. He deserved what was about to happen.

A moment's hesitation and Hope was falling down, down, down. He was tired, so, so tired. Tired of fighting. Tired of killing. Tired of _existing._

_This is all so hopeless. What am I doing to myself?_

He closed his eyes, fainting from exhaustion and fatigue as he fell.

Snow grabbed Hope, holding him fast to his chest.

He'd destroyed this child. He would do all he could to protect and fix him, little as it may be.

It wasn't Hope's fault, it was his own all along and he didn't even know. Hope's heart and life had been through so much all this time and he hadn't done anything. _I really did mess everything up, huh, Hope? _he thought, falling into black as he felt a sharp pain to his head.

A/N: Well…that was interesting. Review and I will love you forever.

~James Blanke


	2. Not ready

A/N: My favorite fan fiction author, .rain, said they would like to see an after story when I asked, so, songfic galore, a several part after story.

Disclaimer: As awesome as I am, I, unfortunately, do not own Final Fantasy.

Warnings: Angst, fluff, shounen ai, the whole shebang.

Chapter summary: This is Hell, and neither fourteen-year-old, nor twenty-year-old are ready to cooperate with it; or the other, in Hope's case.

Chapter 2: Not Ready

* * *

This was a bad decision. All of them knew. None of them were ready. It was Hell, this place. This state of mind was also Hell.

To Hope, it was all torment. He hated this man, and he was stuck with him.

He hated how he played hero.

He hated that he was so much taller.

He hated his smile, he hated his laugh.

He hated how he let his mother volunteer.

He hated how he let her die.

He hated his blonde hair, his stubble.

He hated how likeable he was.

He hated how he shrugged off negative emotions.

But there was one thing that Hope hated about the older man more than anything else; Hope hated how he loved Snow.

* * *

Oh yes, Hell indeed. And how unprepared for it he was.

He wasn't prepared to avoid death, public execution, no less, with each individual step he took.

He wasn't ready to run and hide the rest of his life.

He wasn't ready to lose his freedom; his alone time.

He wasn't ready to constantly change cities with each fallen group of soldiers.

He wanted to change it all. Who wouldn't want to? PSYCOM was sick of tailing them; people were sick of dealing with them; they were sick of hiding from everyone else.

He knew they felt it; all of them. Especially Snow.

PSYCOM's constant promises to end them, though it felt like he was sick of living anyway, hadn't gone over yet. Everything felt too unreal for his liking.

* * *

Hope felt tired, but exhilarated at the same time. Snow's lips against his felt both right and wrong. He knew Serah wouldn't like this, none of them would. And if she ever woke from crystal stasis, he could only imagine which of the two she'd go after.

Hope might not mind sharing, but Snow was definitely not something he would want to divvy up if she woke. After all, Snow would have to choose one of them at some point.

_That,_ he thought, _That would be closer to Hell than this is._

That night, he lie wide awake, to much on his mind. Not to mention all the paranoia.

_Why should I be worried? Why should I keep on pretending like this isn't real when I know it is? I know he doesn't like Serah, at least not like that, he told me she was always more like a sister. But then, things change; things always do, people being no exception._

_I'll move along; he'll like me more than her, he'll choose me. Definitely. Still, minds do change…_

Snow felt all of that, lying down beneath Cocoon. He was over Serah. He was done with putting up a façade for everyone. No matter how scared he was, or how unreal it felt to let himself be himself, He was done with acting.

* * *

They were supposed to have other ways of saving the world. This was not supposed to be one of them. They weren't supposed to be destroying it.

They had four options.

Do nothing and become Cie'th.

Kill Barthandelus and the other evil fal'Cie.

Play it by ear and hope it turns out well.

Escape to Pulse and rot away.

Somehow, becoming Ragnarok had made its way onto the list. How rude of it.

They were supposed to be redeeming themselves to Cocoon. That seems like it would be hard to do if Cocoon was destroyed.

Remove all the bad they had done, from themselves and everyone else. To save people, to argue they were actually good. This didn't seem like it would end well…

* * *

A/N: Well, cliffhanger on the second chapter, isn't that just like me? Should have a new chapter up soon. Hope you like it, .rain!


	3. Don't Leave Me

A/N: Was wondering what would be next when I was listening to Bring me the Horizon (Don't Go), so that is what this chapter's song base is…

Warning: Heavy themes, mentions of rape, mentions of murder, very depressing… Extremely AU.

Rain, be warned; this chapter is very heavy, but I promise to make the one after the next as fluffy as possible.

Summary: Hope sees the Scars all over Snow and wants to know all about him. Snow is a bit reluctant...

Disclaimer: Nope; not mine. Not the song or the characters or the game. The idea of the mix in storyline is all I can claim.

Setting: One of the rooms in Oerba. This takes place before the second chapter (well, actually it's a breakdown of one of the in between points of the last chapter).

Chapter Three: Don't go

Two l'Cie lie down as darkness covers the land. The younger stares after the other, watching, waiting, silently beckoning his warmth back to the bed.

In the dim light, Hope can see markings on the blonde's shirtless form. Silvery-pink lines across his back, chest and arms. He reaches out as the larger, more muscled frame moves back down to the bed, tracing them.

Snow didn't say a word; it was Hope's habit to trace the scar on his own neck to comfort himself, when it was free, anyway. Somehow, Snow found it comforting, as well.

But then Snow tensed; a simple question arose. "What happened?" the boy asked, voice unreadable to Snow. Reading people was Lightning's thing; she dealt with bad guys and read them well. Snow could only read the emotions Hope wanted him to know about, and that could be more than stressful at times.

"Snow? Are you okay?"

"Yeah… Yeah, I'm okay, kiddo," he managed with a smile, not so sure this was a conversation he ever wanted to have with Hope. One that he'd flat out _refused _to have with Serah.

But Snow could trust Hope; right? Snow could talk to Hope about these things; right? _I have your back and you have mine. No matter what._ That was a promise. A promise he couldn't have with Serah. Because Serah didn't have his back. He was just her plaything. Her hookup. Her punching bag, both mentally and physically.

But Hope was his teammate. His equal. His _everything._

Serah may well have been his older sister.

"Will you tell me about them, Snow?" Hope asked in a small voice, sensing Snow's reluctance and already able to tell they weren't from an animal or any kind of fair battle. Before Snow was strong. Before Snow could protect anyone. Before Snow could protect _himself_.

"Yeah, okay, Hope. I trust you. Where do you want me to start?" the nineteen-year-old asked, staring straight into the fourteen-year-old's eyes, now both laying on their sides.

"How does the beginning sound?" Hope stated more than asked, a little unsure.

"Well, let's see," Snow started, debating on if the silence was helping him to concentrate or making it harder.

"I think you already know, but I was raised in an orphanage, run by the Sanctum. I don't know how much you know about those facilities, but there's a reason why Light fought to make sure she and Serah didn't get sent to one; if we've learned anything about the Sanctum on our journey, it's that its anything but sanctified," he finished, thinking about what to say next; how to start, how to explain…how to put the unwanted part of the story off.

"It was built with all the other Sanctum facilities, in the very back of Bohdum, away from the shore were the valley starts to form. Some people don't even say it's part of the city, referring to it as 'Sanctuary,'" he continued on.

"I… used to have a brother…" he started to hesitate.

If it had been any other time, Hope might have asked, 'Used to?' but he kept his mouth shut, waiting instead for the rest of Snow's explanation.

"Some stuff happened when we were about eight…" he went on, still hesitant and now extremely edgy.

Hope buried his fingers into Snow's now bandana free hair, running them through the locks in a comforting gesture. It seemed to give Snow the courage to go on.

"His name was Cloud. My orphan brother. He was always quiet, shy people said. I always thought it was more of oppressed. One day, Cloud snapped…" he broke off for a moment, voice going unusually high at his last two words.

He restarted, voice void of emotion, a skill he didn't think he had. "I don't know what happened; I don't think anyone except for he and the soldier. I think that the soldier did something to him, I know he had been for a while. You could argue that it's all in my head and he was just insane, but I never knew Cloud as a person to do something for no reason…

"This was before PSYCOM started recruiting and took over everything; when everything was run by both Shin-Ra and the Sanctum. We had Shin-Ra SOLDIER guarding us rather than PSYCOM or Guardian Corps," he said, just to put it off a bit longer.

"Cloud took the SOLDIER into the forest, the clearing with one of the old shrines. I followed Cloud and I saw what he did. He seemed somehow lifeless; throwing the guy onto the muddy ground. I remember him asking the SOLDIER things like _How does it feel? _or _Do you like that? _I thought maybe the man had hurt him in similar ways. Cloud took the man's sword and slaughtered him, not really caring even after he was dead. He stomped on him; there's still an imprint in the earth…

"I remember him looking over at me when he was done with it all, like he had known I was there all along. He still looked lifeless. I wasn't scared of him, as crazy as that might sound. I even went towards him.

"He lifted a gun; not at me though. He was crying, but he didn't look sad at all. 'I can kill people so easily, Snow,' he told me. I didn't know where he was going with it. He started laughing like he was insane, but he still looked emotionless as ever. Then, he stopped, saying, 'But I don't feel sad about it at all. I don't feel pain when he hits me. Or when he rapes me. Or when he tells me I'm worthless. I don't feel anything, Snow…'"

It felt as if everything stopped. Snow looked like he was somewhere else. Somewhere deep in his mind. He told Hope everything as he saw it in his mind.

_Cloud had bruises on his neck and blood going down his legs, staining his white orphan uniform. His shirt was gone, it looked as if the SOLDIER had put out a cigarette between his ribs. Snow saw his wrists, little scars crisscrossing up his left arm, needle marks at vein points in his right arm._

_Somehow, Cloud looked strangely beautiful covered in blood. His blank features somehow added to the effect._

_A bullet flew through his stomach._

'_That won't work on me,' he said flatly. He almost sounded sad about it. Snow watched in horror as the cut glowed with blue light and mended itself back together._

_Cloud didn't even aim; directing his arm slightly behind him and firing, not surprised at all by the sound of the infantryman hitting the ground._

'_I'm not human,' he stated flatly at Snow. 'I'm not your brother; I'm your emulation, grown in a test tank. I'm not a Strife; I'm not an anything anymore. And you, you're just a test subject. Run, Snow. Get as far away from these people as you can.'_

_But Snow couldn't move. Snow didn't want to move. Cloud was his brother, everything he had. All he had left was Cloud, his exact replica._

'_Which of you killed that man?' came the voice of a SOLDIER, one they knew well, who visited them every once in a while. Angeal Hewley._

'_I did,' they both stated, at the same time; Snow didn't know why, but he had to take the blame._

_Cloud didn't argue._

_They both ended up in Shin-Ra test facilities. Mistreated and abused, he got everything that Cloud had, only they liked to scar him more severely. They'd whip him, leaving scars on his back, One time, one of them had wanted to see if he'd heal as fast as Cloud, slicing across his chest. They'd violate them in front of one another, knowing neither could do anything._

_He always begged for them not to let Cloud leave him. It never worked._

_Snow started getting stronger, but was left in the facility when he was ten; the Sanctum took Shin-Ra down. He'd been forgotten and Cloud had escaped or died… Snow never knew which._

_He was scared and didn't leave for a while. He took the smallest SOLDIER uniform he could find, still hanging loose on his small frame._

_He did the only thing he knew how to do at the time. He ran. And he ran. And he ran until there was nothing left. The oxygen came harshly into his lungs and when he looked up he saw the place he never again wanted to see; the forest clearing with the shrine. He heard a voice, perhaps just in his head._

_Who are you?_

_Well, who was he? He no longer remembered. He might have been Snow, he might have been Cloud; it didn't really matter, did it?_

_I'm Snow, he answered before falling onto the muddy ground._

Everything spilled form Snow; how the orphanage couldn't find any files on him (courtesy of Shin-Ra), how he was taken back to the orphanage, how the SOLDIER were replaced with Guardian Corps and were nice to them. And the voice that had called to him was Gadot.

They had given him a new last name; he'd refused to tell them his real one, feigning forgetfulness. Villiers. He wasn't sure if it fit. It was just a name to him, either way.

As if he'd snapped back to reality, he held Hope tightly to his chest, more as a comfort to himself than anything. He whispered something nearly inaudible; had Hope been even five centimeters away he wouldn't have heard. But he wasn't five centimeters away, he was hardly even one centimeter away, he heard the simple phrase quite well.

_Don't leave me…_

And then he felt them; hot, wet crystals he often felt falling down his own face. Tears.

Hope was shocked; Snow never cried. But then he realized it; Snow is human, just like him, just like all the others. Humans cry, even Light, though he'd never seen it he was sure. He'd heard her once, choking out Serah's name in repetition.

Yes, Snow was human and Snow needed to be comforted; needed to be held… and so he held him, albeit awkwardly; Hope had never really had to comfort anybody before, never felt compelled to. But tonight, he did. Snow needed to be held and Hope needed to hold him.

_I have your back and you have mine. No matter what,_ he'd promised.

A/N: this chapter will be in two parts; it's long enough as it is and it seemed like a nice place to leave you hanging. If you had the courage to read this far, please leave a review. And if you're Memories of Rain and made it this far, I promise you fluff at the next chance I get (:


	4. You're Not Going Anywhere

A/N: This is a continuation of the previous chapter. It's also slight angst. I've been so busy the last couple days, so here I wrote this at 2:00 AM…which, coincidentally, is when I tend to do my best work, so it works.

Disclaimer: I've said it before, but I'll say it as much as you want: None of the Square Enix franchise belongs to me. This includes the Final Fantasy branch and, more specifically, Final Fantasy XIII. Happy?

Summary: Snow opened up to Hope, but what will Hope do now that it's him being asked of?

Warnings: Okay, if you're here now, then you should have already known it was Snow/Hope. It's also a little angst, but more of an 'I'm keeping you here' type of angst than an 'I'm leaving' one.

* * *

Two days passed since Snow had opened up to Hope. Nothing had really changed while they were around the others, but when they were left alone, Snow felt heavy. Not tense, but heavy, and somehow he felt high. Not high off drugs, more like high off of a nameless emotion, or perhaps from no emotion at all.

Hope felt it too. It was almost relieving to him after the past few days.

They would go to bed like normal, but there were no words. There was contact, but no meaning. Their pre-slumber ponderings had stopped. Their sleep _itself _had stopped.

It had been simple contact; Hope tracing Snow's scars, running his fingers through the blonde's hair, or even simply hugging him. No talking like there had been. Neither felt it was needed, or were simply afraid their voice could shatter the moment. It was both enjoyable and awkward at once. They liked it, yet they didn't. They wanted it to continue; they wanted it to stop, or maybe just change.

Tonight, Hope didn't feel like running his fingers along Snow's body like usual. He wanted to feel his lips.

At first, there was nothing intimate about it. Hope simply pressed his lips to the other's. It may well have been a hand to a hand, as simple and chaste as it was. It was just like the first time, except it was Hope bringing it on instead.

But it changed within moments.

Hope wasn't shy or questioning or hesitant as he usually was. No, it was different; it wasn't some new battle technique he was asking if he did right, it was instinct an instinct he shouldn't have known how to do so well, so sinfully, so…so commandeering and forcefully.

Yet, he did, and did it well at that.

It was as if he were trying to drown out Snow's misery and pain…but not at all. It was more like he were trying to drown out his past; like it were some kind of scent he hated.

Snow did forget. Snow may well have forgotten everything except for the younger l'Cie pushing him into the bed as he infiltrated the blonde's mouth.

Somehow, there was nothing sexual or even provocative about it. It was rough and rushed; somehow desperate, as if the silver-haired boy could no longer stand something.

He finally broke away from the older, somehow still breathing evenly.

He pushed himself off of the other curling his back to the muscled frame of Snow.

Snow reached out his hand, to touch the other, but some strange serge, a premonition, if you will, made his hand silently jerk away from the younger.

Snow realized the more he thought back to the kiss. It was heated, yet cold. It was desperate, yet calm. It was nostalgic, yet foreign.

It then hit him; it hit him square in the chest with the force of a King Behemoth: for all of the rightness it held, it was so, so horribly wrong. So…not like Hope.

The silence was finally broken, as the two lay back-to-back, but careful not to touch.

"Tell me about yours."

It was said as a statement, but delivered as more of a question.

Hope knew what he meant, but didn't answer right away. Snow thought he might not answer at all until he said, "If I told you, you'll wish I hadn't…"

Snow waited a long while before replying with, "But I'll wish you did unless you do."

Snow tried to be simple, tried to be happy…tried to be pretentiously optimistic. The last comment didn't do any of that. Though it was meant to be a mood lightener, the seriousness in his voice made it simple truth. No candy coating, no comedy relief, just truth.

Humans are curious, humans are secretive. Right now, each of the two l'Cie reflected one of the two traits.

It was Hope who finally said something to finish it. "I won't lie to you, but I'm not telling you tonight. You know too much of me as it is…"

Snow shifted under their light cover, getting uncomfortable at the lack of emotion in his partner's voice.

Hope took it as a leaving sign.

He quickly grabbed at snow, forcing him onto his back once more as his eyes bore into the other's. He knew Snow could easily pushed him off if he so desired. The fact that he didn't after the several extra moments he gave the other to recover and do so led him to the sentences pouring gracefully from his mouth.

"You're not going anywhere," he sounded cold and lifeless; almost taunting even. Yet it somehow reassured Snow. "I need you. I love you. You'd have left if you didn't feel the same," he said before bringing Snow back into that same kiss.

That heatedly cold, sinfully chaste, nostalgically foreign, rightfully wrong kiss.

More than anything, it felt like an 'I'm not letting you go' kiss. Snow knew before then that he wouldn't leave, to him it was like signing a contract that said so.

Snow realized he needed to add something to the list of this slightly different kiss: love.

* * *

A/N: Yeah, fourth chapter! I don't feel like it's the best chapter, but I had to write this to continue. Please review, even if it just says 'good' or 'bad,' I'll like it. Next chapter will be fluffy for Rain ^_^ Hope you enjoyed!


	5. Maybe, Maybe, Maybe

A/N: Okay, Rain, Fluff chapter, ACTIVATE! I hope you like it ^_^ Starts of very slightly angst, but grows into amazing fluff. I also vaguely worked Hope's secret in.

Disclaimer: I don't own it. This chapter's dream scene is based off the song 'Belochka' by Lena Katina; I translated the song and changed it up a bit, that's all I can claim.

Summary: Hope has an interesting dream before they go off to find and confront Barthandelus, and Snow's there for him. "It's hard to be something you aren't, it's also hard to hide; maybe I could become a squirrel and you could become a rabbit…"

Extra info: When Hope says 'HE' (in caps), he refers to his father. It goes through different perspectives in his dreams, he talks to himself saying the things others (namely his father) told him, then becomes himself and it kind of bounces back and fourth from those perspectives, then wakes up and it goes back to third person.

* * *

Hope napped against the brick wall, the sun hitting his face at a perfect angle. His peaceful face belied his thoughts, going one hundred miles a minute in Dreamland.

Images flashing in his mind; distorted memories of a time he hated.

A time his mother assured him _it would all be okay, _that they _needed to stay with Daddy and it would all be alright_. The grown-ups needed each other for things to be alright, yet it seemed it was never alright.

A time his father left him with thugs, locking him up, tying him up, tearing him up. Bursting into tears, unintentionally bleeding._ Wear this scarf, Mommy can't know. If she sees it, it was an accident._

_Everything is serious and secret and Mommy can't know. Mommy won't save you, Mommy won't care and it's all my fault because it's hard to be like a boy on the outside when you're like girl within; it's hard to be like a girl when you're like a boy outside._

_Maybe I could disappear; maybe become an animal and escape._

_And what if I ran away and everyone forgot me? And what if I wasn't getting pushed over edges and didn't have to hide?_

_But I'm a picture of fakeness and too scared to remove the paint and show the awful picture below; answering questions untruthfully because HE says that's how it has to be._

_And maybe one day I'll take off the mask and become an adult, until I realize it's just the opposite; adults wear masks and children are free. I must be an adult because it's hard to be a boy when you're a girl and it's hard to be a girl when you're a boy and so I hide…_

_But maybe it will all be fine because HE isn't here… And maybe I'll be untainted and maybe I'll disappear and maybe I'll become a little squirrel and maybe Snow will become a little rabbit and maybe I'll grow up and maybe I'll be strong and maybe I'll be fake and maybe I, maybe I, maybe I…_

Hope woke, eyes suddenly shooting open but nothing else moved. Snow noticed though; Snow notices everything, for as oblivious as he acts. For all his stupidity and indifference, he really did care.

The first thing Hope saw was Snow, a very comforting thing to wake to. The sun felt warm on his skin, not unforgiving like his first day on Pulse.

Snow put his arm around the teen's smaller frame, who immediately curled up to him.

"What's up, kiddo?"

"…Just a stupid dream…" Hope answered, seeming slightly more quiet than usual. Snow could understand, he could tell by now that, while sometimes Hope liked to talk to him for hours -about everything or nothing; he didn't seem to care- Hope generally leaned more toward wordless cuddling.

But it was Snow we were talking about here; of course he would ask anyway. "Wanna talk about it?"

Hope stayed silent for so long that Snow thought he was ignoring him. Then he suddenly spoke, surprising Snow. "It's just…it's hard to explain, I mean, it was just a stupid dream, but I feel like it…no… I don't know, I guess it's just kind of silly…"

"What was so silly about it?"

Hope looked up at Snow, into his sparkling, blue eyes, a vague smile on his face as he reiterated a line that didn't seem to make much sense from the dream: "It's hard to be something you aren't, it's also hard to hide; maybe I could become a squirrel and you could become a rabbit," he said, punctuating the phrase with a kiss to the blonde man's lips before turning back to his original position beneath Snow's arm.

Though he said it with the hint of a smile, it sounded kind of sad. The phrase didn't seem to mean anything to Hope, but Snow found a most appropriate meaning for it.

After a bit of thinking and a slight pause where he'd pulled Hope onto his lap to place both arms around him, Snow said in probably the most serious tone he'd ever used, "I know you wouldn't like me to treat you like a kid, but you don't have to become an adult yet. Anything you ever want to say, even when you're fully grown, you can say it to me. And you can always be you around me, even if the rest of the world wouldn't want to see it," he said, ending with a small peck to Hope's cheek.

The rest of their day was put to good use with blissful nothingness and those fuzzy feelings that some might argue were wrong. If something so wrong felt so right to them, they wouldn't mind being wrong for the rest of their lives.

* * *

A/N: Did you like it, Rain and others who may be reading this? Tell me what you liked and what I can fix if you'd like. Sorry for the delay, my life got in the way. Anyway, it's New Year and I actually got invited to someone's party before writing this, so later! (I promise to be responsible…and write the next chapter when I get back home ^_^)


	6. The Trigger of the Team

A/N: 'Kay, so I know it's been a while, but, hey; I've been busy, what can I say? We all know life gets in the way… oh, who am I kidding; I have no life… but I do have school and it _does_ get in the way… Anyway, forgive the delay, here's the fifth chapter.

Pairings: Snow/Hope and a little bit of however-you-want-to-see-it Fang/Vanille.

Warnings: BoyxBoy...you should know this after six chapters of it...

This is for Rain because she's just such an amazing person who happens to love Snow/Hope.

* * *

It seemed everything was once again normal; their silences were content, their kisses were loving, their conversations light and Snow felt good to have his past off of his chest, even if Hope didn't speak of his. 'One day, maybe,' Snow self-assured.

It all seemed a bit too good, but they weren't complaining. What was the point of happiness if you couldn't enjoy having it?

Of course, they both knew it would come to an end eventually; nothing like that lasts forever.

The group moved on, still completely oblivious to their… 'advancements.'

While attempting to reach a new area of Oerba, they ran across Barthandelus, who nearly gave them all heart attacks, disguising himself as Serah. Their battle, while being reasonably simple, was filled with tedium. The meeting itself seemed to reveal quite a bit about most of them, to themselves, at least.

Serah was a very important person to Vanille, though she met her only once. Vanille felt guilty, as if it'd been her own fault that Serah had been made l'Cie; as if, had she simply died on her first mission, no one would be harmed.

Of course, none of it was accurate, it only proves her humanity. Barthandelus would have simply found a new way around, the fact that she was still alive to torture once more was just the icing on the cake for him.

Fang had tried to tell her, of course. Several times, in fact; holding her through the nightmares of their sins against Cocoon. She'd felt it was all her own fault. Let's face it though: is it not all her fault? Well, it didn't matter; she's doing good now.

Dysley knew about Lightning's weakness. Her single weakness that she had tried so hard to be rid of. She was so attached to Serah and it was probably blatantly obvious to anyone who would dare look into her life. Some days, she wasn't like that. On occasion, Light felt like she could tear through anything, given the chance, including Serah; 'A target's a target,' they had constantly told her during training.

And Sazh, perhaps he was just so cynical, knew something was up from the beginning. Maybe it was because he'd never really known Serah that the illusion didn't effect him. Maybe, had it been Dajh, he could've fallen for it just as easily as them.

As for Snow, he found that part of him never wanted Serah to awaken. Given, the rational side of his mind kicked in, as it always would, saying that she deserved to live the rest of her life and that he didn't have to marry her if he didn't want to. Barthandelus seemed to know how to take advantage of his thoroughly conflicted mind well.

Hope was glad that she was just an illusion, but what if Serah did come back one day? Who would Snow really choose? He knew he shouldn't really think about it; he is happy now and Snow is happy now. The rest of it was to be figured out later, when it happens. That's how Snow would think, right?

A/N: This is character development, the next chapter should be more exiting. Hope you enjoyed this short, uneventful chapter, readers and, more specifically, Rain. ^_^ Reviews are appreciated, but not required, use them to tell me if I did good or bad.

Have a nice day (:


	7. Confronting Serah

A/N: Well, hello, Chapter Seven. Sorry about the last couple author's notes, I somehow managed to switch part of them into the other. Anyway, enjoy chapter 7...or don't, it's really up to you…

Warnings: Hope/Snow, fluff and angst

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine; I just twist them for Rain and my own entertainment. The setting is also not mine. In fact, just consider it all Square Enix's, just with my plot twisting mind effecting it.

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They all knew that this was going to end in fighting, Snow's forgetfulness just set it off. Light didn't really mind and Fang seemed almost relieved. It was relatable; it's easier to fight when you know it's coming.

The Eidolons made it easy; focus on the big guys then find a way to Eden.

In the end, they simply destroyed the racetrack and moved on. What else was there to do?

Eventually, they made their way to Orphan.

From there, it seemed as though everything fell apart. The seeds of doubt were soon planted firmly into their hearts and grew into the vines of despair rather quickly, suffocating them.

How they'd gotten past it at all was a blur in Hope's mind. How had they survived the fall? How had Fang and Vanille managed to turn into crystal with only their will-power? Lastly, why were Snow and Hope the only ones left with Pulsian brands?

Everything made just as little sense to Snow. Especially when Serah seemed to come from absolutely nowhere.

She clung to his chest and he wasn't quite sure what to do. He looked over at Hope.

_Oh, gods, _Hope thought. _Don't look at me like that. I don't know what it's supposed to mean, but please don't look at me like that…_ He couldn't place the look and didn't know what to think. Breaking eye-contact with Snow, he suddenly found the ground an interesting place to stare. He was thoroughly surprised at the words that came from Snow's mouth.

"Serah," he started, hesitantly, pushing her impossible grip off of his chest. He struggled to find the right words. Only, how could he? What would you say when faced with such a problem? He decided on something quick. Though he sometimes regretted it, he let his mouth follow his brain.

"Serah, I can't marry you," he said rather quickly. "I don't love you like that. And I know you don't love me, either, so don't look so surprised about my decision."

Snow was known for his bluntness. That didn't make it any less surprising to Hope and Serah.

The other two didn't seem too shocked though, barely contained smirks lighting their faces. "Took you long enough," Light said. "We thought you were never gonna say it," Sazh elaborated.

Serah looked thoroughly distressed by this point, however. "What do you mean, you can't marry me?!" she all but screamed.

Light's smirk dropped at this point. She loved her little sister and would always protect her, but she knew all too well where this was going. Serah needed to learn her lesson this time.

"Serah, don't play dumb. It doesn't suit you. The only reason you ever wanted Snow was because of Cloud, and that's just unfair, because you didn't love him either.

"I understand what you've been trying to do, Serah, protecting Snow is a good sign that you love him, but not like that, you are his friend and that's how it should have stayed. Poor Snow, however doesn't need protection in the form of disguise. Not to mention the way you went about it. You were like a middle school girl slipping a love letter into his locker and forgetting to add the 'no' box," Light finished up.

Snow somehow felt a weight lift from him. As if Light's confronting Serah had somehow made everything all better… Isn't that exactly what had happened, though? It did make everything better. With the way she went about it, it meant that she accepted him. He hadn't realized they'd ever met Cloud before though…

For just a moment, he decided not to care. With Hope suddenly in his arms, everything else seemed to melt into insignificance.

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A/N: I re-wrote this nineteen times (not even kidding). I hope you enjoyed this, Rain, and other readers ^_^

I'm hoping to wrap this up in just a few more chapters and I might add an epilogue when I get there.

Sorry for the wait. Please leave me a review on how I can improve or what you liked ^_^


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